Epic Rap Battle of Destiny: Revan vs Shepard
by Thaeonblade
Summary: It's a debate that's waged since over the past decade with many casualties and losses on both sides. But now it's time for the figureheads of both factions to speak their peace: Darth Revan and Commander Shepard, who will win? Planned as a one-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own either of the characters portrayed or mentioned in this sound-off. This is non-profit parody that I made for my own amusment.**

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_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF DESTINY!**_

**Commander Shepard**

_**VS**_

**Darth Revan**

**BEGIN!**

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**Light Side Revan-**

_Long Ago in a Galaxy far away..._

_I forged a legacy that will live beyond my day..._

_I've saved my people three times over,_

_From Ancient Sith to a hopeless trooper,_

_Mandalore's crew all came to knew,_

_that their firepower was to me as water,_

_Bane adored me, the Jedi revered me,_

_Even Bastila gave in and pleased me..._

_If it weren't for my game, none would know Bioware,_

_I changed RPGs and put em into full gear,_

_I stomped Mandalore, Malak and the Sith Emperor,_

_Overwhelmed? Not surprised, go take your temperature._

**Paragon Shepard-**

_I'm Commander Shepard and I approve this ass-whoopin,_

_This cocky jedi is just asking for a beatin._

_I've faced forces you could never comprehend,_

_A race of destroyers who won't stop till we ascend._

_They wiped out civilizations for billions of years,_

_Everything was bleak until I got here._

_I'm a One-Man Army, a beacon of Hope,_

_I annoy the reapers and push em down the slope!_

_With every race behind me, my mantra is victory,_

_From Turian and Krogan to Quarian and Asari!_

_But I won't take all the credit, it all goes to my crew!_

_Garrus, Wrex, Tali, and Kaiden if you only you knew..._

**Revan-**

_Victory? I thought it was misery?_

_Your Council's stupidity will live in infamy!_

_And for a leader, you have a habit for following,_

_How else could you stand Ashley's bitching?_

_And about your crew? I don't think you care...really..._

_They die and get blasted more often than Kenny!_

_Lets just ask Mordin, Thane, Miranda and Kirrahe!_

_Oh wait...they were friends and you let em die anyway!_

_And poor Legion...offered himself for the Geth,_

_Not knowing you'd condemn them all to death!_

_That includes Edi too...I don't think Joker likes you!_

_I didn't let anyone die under me, even through my toughest journey!_

**Shepard-**

_What about Trask Olgo? T3-M4? The Exile?_

_I believe they died despite your impressive profile._

_You never faced anywhere near what I did,_

_The worst you've fought were jedi that you corrupted!_

_And speaking of your jedi...they remind me of the council!_

_Never getting their hands dirty till it's personal!_

_Jedi as Guardians of truth and justice? Please!_

_They turned their backs on a republic on it's knees,_

_What the hell kind of jedi are these?_

_Guess it explains a lot about the Prequel series!_

_Everything you do just ends in failure!_

_You really oughta call yourself Darth Error!_

**Revan-**

_If you're so flawless, what happened on Virmire?_

_I'd never let my friends down with need so dire!_

**Shepard-**

_Funny...you were fast to leave Bastila with Malak,_

_But she was a bitch, guess you were sick of the havoc!_

**Revan-**

_Bastila had her flaws, but at least she wasn't racist!_

_And then there's Morinth...isn't she a rapist?_

**Shepard-**

_Now that you mention it, isn't HK a serial murderer?_

_While bloodhound Canderous isn't much better!_

**Revan-**

_Vega's really interesting or am I imagining,_

_That you have other crew members apart from T'soni?_

**Shepard-**

_Your friend Carth does love to whine,_

_But you never put your foot down and held the line!_

**Revan-**

_Hold the Line? There's a difference between knowing and understanding,_

_Hammer Squad didn't understand because after five minutes, they weren't holding!_

**Shepard-**

_Not everyone can use their mind to fight a war,_

_They used what they had and still evened the score!_

**Revan-**

_Even the score? You got punked by the Star Child!_

_Even your love scenes are a joke, watered down to mild!_

**Shepard-**

_You wanna talk about mild, your games were made for teens!_

_What happened with you and Bastila? We didn't even get any scenes!_

**Revan-**

_Speaking of scenes, what was up with Kai Lang?_

_He kept smacking you around and leaving you to hang!_

**Shepard-**

_Don't get me started with how much you've been smacked!_

_You're a Flashpoint Pinata, waiting to get whacked!_

**Revan-**

_Whacked? If anyone's a pinata that's gotta be you!_

_I'm certain Harbinger and the Collectors would agree with me too!_

**Shepard-**

_I stand on my feet for what I believe in!_

_You fail so much it's not worth countin!_

**Revan-**

_My loved ones are alive and so's my civilization!_

_Red, Blue or Green? They all lead to devastation!_

**Renegade Shepard-**

_I've had enough of your snide insinuations!_

_Least I've never betrayed my organizations!_

_You? Bet you love getting tossed around the map!_

_You should have Ackbar around to yell, It's a trap!_

_Didn't Malak blast your ass when you weren't looking?_

_And if I recall, the Sith Emperor's still kicking!_

_Save the galaxy three times? The second was against yourself!_

_And I found your game, it's collecting dust on my shelf!_

_You had your time, but it's gone and past!_

_Hell! The Old Republic is never gonna last!_

_You talk too much Revan, just give it a rest!_

_Just accept that this is your final quest!_

**Dark Side Revan-**

_I am a Luminous Being unbound by crude matter!_

_I am the Heart of the Force! Before me you'll scatter!_

_Your mind is glass that I can break!_

_When I sneeze it creates a Force Quake!_

_The Lightning of a storm is mine to command!_

_I'll even block your mass effect with my bare hand!_

_I am a legend in the circles of gaming and fiction!_

_Everything you are is based on my foundation!_

_I've made mistakes and I paid the price,_

_So for you, I'll leave some helpful advice._

_Don't change the core conflict, it won't get a salute,_

_Cause Artistic Integrity? That's easy to refute._

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**Author's Notes:**

**WHO WON? WHAT'S NEXT! YOU DECIDE!**

**After watching so many Epic Rap Battles of History videos, it was only inevitable that I'd take a shot at it myself and here's the result.**

**Enjoy.**


End file.
